Criminal Sideburns, or My Trip to Norman

I went to Norman, OK (three hours away) for a conference this weekend. Norman is home to the University of Oklahoma. I'd heard mixed reviews of the town, but I loved it -- what's not to like about a real college town with museums, cool cultural events, a roller rink, a Hillel House, and ethnic restaurants? OU has a beautiful campus, a world-class faculty, and bright students. Maybe when I grow up I can get a job at a university like this?

There are even jizz trees (jizzus stinkus) in Norman! And the shower curtains have team spirit!

I took four students with me, so it was kind of like being at work all weekend, but OU really went all out for the event. It was well organized and we got to do cool things like attend a banquet in the natural history museum. The conference featured the fabulous contemporary U.S. writer Sherman Alexie, whom I have seen speak twice before. He has a background in stand-up comedy and rocked the mic three times, telling some hilarious stories. Here is a sample:


While attending a meeting with some film people at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's house, Alexie noticed that all the furniture was sized for the baskeball star. Sitting on the sofa with his feet dangling like a little kid's, he decided he had to check out the toilet to see if it was similarly proportioned. Sure enough, Alexie's feet dangled from the toilet too. He had to tell someone about it, so he called his dad on the rez from the bathroom.

Sherman Alexie, Jr.: Dad, I'm at Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's house!
Sherman Alexie, Sr.: Does he know you're there?

On Thursday night Alexie received an award prior to a screening of The Business of Fancydancing, and during the pre-festivities schmoozefest he observed that one of my students had "criminal sideburns." I think this came up when one of Alexie's kids wanted an ice cream sandwich from a locked freezer case, and he suggested that my student looked like the kind of person to break it open. Not sure how sideburns fit into this, but whatever. The next day there was a book signing, and dude made a reference to the criminal sideburns on my student's book:

What was crazy to me was that some of my students -- I took two undergrads and two grads -- did not seem to know what to make of OU. One of the kids grew up in Tulsa but seemed a little intimidated by a major university campus, which she characterized as being like a little city. And one of the grad students complained that there was so much at OU. He preferred rinky-dink NSU with its five or six buildings, because he knows where everything is there. It reminded me of a bit of local folks who enthusiastically try to sell me and Eric on the virtues of small-town life. Sorry, not buying it. We're city people.

Some of the conference small talk with my group was interesting. The undergrads were a little shy and it was a loooong car ride, but one of them had lots of questions for me. I tried to get them to call me by my first name and it didn't work (although the student with whom I shared a suite called me "Rooms" a few times). At the institution where I teach, faculty with Ph.D.s are all "Dr. So-and-So" and the other instructors are all "Mr." and "Mrs." with a few "Miss"-es thrown in for good measure. So I got "Dr. Strong" the whole time, even while playing Scrabble Slap. Oddly enough, almost all of my lower-division students call me "Mrs. Strong" even though the syllabus indicates that I have a Ph.D. I thought it wasn't worth trying to explain to them that Mrs. Strong doesn't exist -- she is my mother, actually, because I'm not married to my father -- but I gave it a shot anyway. I told them that if they really want to call me Mrs. Something, it should be Mrs. McCauley. But isn't Strong easier to say?

Anyway, here were some of the questions I got during the drive to Norman:

1. Dr. Strong, why don't you eat at chain restaurants?
2. Dr. Strong, why don't you shop at Walmart?
3. Dr. Strong, if you were going to make a mix CD, what would you put on it?
   
4. Dr. Strong, if you were going to commit fraud with the department credit card, what would you buy?
5. Dr. Strong, do you watch the show "Sixteen and Pregnant"?
   

When our group had breakfast at a Norman greasy spoon called Diner before leaving town, my students confessed that after I'd gone to bed the night before they had debated whether or not I would fit inside an ottoman that opened up to reveal a storage space for pillows and blankets. Not sure what prompted this discussion, but it is likely I would have fit inside the ottoman. At least they had not tried to find out.
Diner has appeared on the Food Network program "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." Here is a photo of host Guy Fieri's mug spray-painted on the wall, appropriately next to a Billy the Singing Bass. The biscuits and gravy seemed popular, but you could not pay me to eat that. I had something called a Mexi Scram, which was essentially a veggie omelet served over home fries. It was delicious.

March miscellany

Best worst title for a lower-division poetry paper:
Personal Thoughts

Best worst answer for a quiz question on A Streetcar Named Desire (Q: Who comes to visit Stella and Stanley? A: Blanche):
Donny
The kicker is that Blanche was named in one of the other questions.

Best worst excuse for not being prepared for class/completing the assigned reading:
I was absent when you told us to buy the book.

Regionalisms that are starting to drive me crazy:
"feel" pronounced "fill"
"program" pronounced "progrum"
"roof" pronounced "ruff"
"buttocks" pronounced "boo-tocks" (okay, only one person says this, and she is easily forgiven)
"pop" for "soda"
"sack" for "bag" at the grocery store, and the baggers who want to put a two-pack of soy milk with a handle for carrying into a "sack" with ten other things

Because everyone needs more topless 70s musicians

And it's fun and games at work, with everyone's knickers in a twist about something called the DFW list. Unfortunately, the DFW list has nothing to do with the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport; instead it is a list of courses and professors whose classes have what has been deemed a disproportionately high percentage of students withdrawing (hence the "W") or earning Ds and Fs. Supposedly the people on the list are not in trouble, but each department has been tasked with doing something about the statistics, and there is an implication that state funding may be at risk. Sounds a lot like No Child Left Behind, University Edition. Since when can any instructor control whether students drop a class? How are we supposed to do anything about withdrawals? Or Ds and Fs for that matter? The only time students get Fs in my courses is when they do not turn in an assignment. And of course, not having tenure makes me feel that my role in department meetings is to nod and smile.

Snåsa: Gato Columbus

Eric and I had a nice visit to Tulsa on Saturday; going there makes me feel like I am rejoining civilization. Looking around at Whole Foods, I see people that look familiar. River Park was full of dog walkers, joggers, and cyclists, and the day was pretty if a bit chilly. We saw Fiddlefest at the Broken Arrow Performing Arts Center with free tickets from the office of the VP at the university, and today I got another set of free tickets to see the Glenn Miller Orchestra next weekend.

River Park, Tulsa

Vagina Monologues

I performed in a local production of The Vagina Monologues last weekend. It was the first time I have been on stage since I was 17. I heard that there had been complaints about the show in years past -- this town is pretty conservative -- and I didn't know what to expect, but there was a great turnout and people seemed to be into it. The show raised money for a local domestic violence shelter and I got the chance to do something cool with a really diverse and interesting group of women. It was kind of weird to exit the stage after "Reclaiming Cunt" and immediately see my official boss, the dean of the college, and to know that some of my students were in the audience, but overall it was a great experience.

Viet Huong & First Week of Class

It was back to class this week, and while it's fun to be teaching I really did not miss academia's three-ring bureaucracy circus. There was an ongoing drama this week with one of my comp sections, which had seven students enrolled in it. Instead of canceling this class and splitting my Chicks in Space elective, which, at 40 students, is beyond officially overenrolled, into two sections, three students from another comp section were added to mine. So I have one normal-sized comp class, a ten-student comp class (and keep in mind that about half of these likely will drop, because that's how things work here), an exploding science fiction elective, and a giant section of American Lit to 1865. Whatever. Then some drama about getting me a TA for Chicks in Space ensued. It was up in the air for some time, but it seems I now officially have the TA. I cannot actually ask this person to grade essays, but at least she can help me with paperwork.

The comp classes were business as usual: more comments about my appearance, and someone responded to my "Who were the Vikings" question with "Brett Favre?" Happily, the American lit students seem to be on it. They have a lot of intelligent things to say, and I'm excited to have my first punk rock student -- you can imagine how rare that is in this neck of the woods. The same class also contains an Obama detractor and general contrarian who seems invested in testing me and my facilitating skills.

Yesterday Eric and I went to Tulsa to run errands and see A Single Man at Circle Cinema, which is kind of like Tulsa's answer to the Crest. The film was excellent, and we finished the day with a delicious dinner at Viet Huong, a dive-y looking place that makes pho to die for.


Gatos in love

Why does my cat make this face?

Old photos

Eric found some ancient disposable cameras and took them to Reasor's, our neighborhood supermarket, to get them developed. Reasor's is okay -- at least we can buy soy milk and cage-free eggs there -- but I really miss the Davis Food Co-op and Nugget. Actually, the worst thing about Reasor's might be the other shoppers, or more accurately, what I see in their carts (i.e. gallons of soda, sides of beef, frozen sugar-, transfat-, and preservative-laden delights). Here are some fun photos of us from 2007!

Raley Field

Scharffen Berger factory

MJ in Savannah

Arctic Blast, RIP

The ARCTIC BLAST that has slammed the area for the past few weeks finally seems to be on its way out. It's in the 40s today, which feels almost warm after highs of 18. (ARCTIC BLAST needs to be in all caps because whenever we turn on the TV we are assailed by screaming and alarmist news of the ARCTIC BLAST.) Area schools were closed for an entire week when temperatures dipped into the teens (daytime highs) and single digits. Even growing up in Connecticut, I never heard of closing school due to cold weather. Still, the ARCTIC BLAST got old really fast, especially in our drafty house. Here's a photo of Snåsa looking out the ice-covered window, off which Eric would pry large chunks of ice in the morning. We have purchased a grand total of four blackout curtain panels to keep the heat in and the cold out. Much as he enjoys looking out the window, Snåsa prefers sunny spots. He now weighs more than four pounds, and he recently got a clean bill of health that ended his quarantine in the office. After some initial snarling, he and Malka are getting along tolerably well. She prefers that he leave her alone and he wishes that she would play with him, which sometimes results in Malka swiping at Snåsa and making Darth Vader-like noises. Then they both get tuckered out and nap together on the bed.

White Christmas

My first white Christmas in seven years reminded me what I have not been missing. Snow is pretty for about five minutes, then it's a hassle. Eric and I went for a walk down our unplowed street on Christmas morning and some dude in a big truck looked at us like we were from outer space. These days I am wearing two pairs of socks and a sweatshirt to bed. I can deal as long as we don't lose power -- we have heard some horror stories about ice storms causing outages lasting weeks. More snow is predicted for later this week. Luckily we don't need to go anywhere. I'm working at home on an article and spring syllabi. My new hobby is circling the spelling, grammar, and syntax errors in the Tulsa World, which makes me long for the journalistic integrity of the Sacramento Bee. A headline yesterday said "Leaders brag on Tulsans' giving" (brag on, not about?), while an entertainment article spelled the last name of the lead singer of the band Cake "McRae" (it's McCrea) and a photo caption spelled the word "exploded" with an A. Today's offense was botching the possessive of "children." My e-mail to one of the editors has not yet been answered.