Dispatches from Louisville

Just finished the third of seven days of reading AP exams in literature. I have learned many fascinating things about the minds of today's high school seniors and read some bad essays and some amusing essays, along with some very well written ones. My favorites are the ones in which the writer has given up. Not only are these very fast and easy to score, they often include funny drawings and notes and sometimes even song lyrics. Confidentiality prohibits me from sharing details but I'm sure you can use your imagination, especially if you've read AWPE exams.

I have begun directly addressing the students who write these essays in my head with comments generally along the lines of "Nice job, kiddo" or simply, and more frequently, "No."

The experience reminds me a lot of summer camp, right down to last night's dinner being recycled into today's lunch. Plus, I heard something about skits on the last night (?). ETS sponsored readings by Edwidge Danticat and Bobbi Ann Mason, and on dine-out night (a reprieve from cafeteria food) I had the most amazing smoked catfish and bourbon bread pudding at Hillbilly Tea, which approaches Southern food in a light, fresh way (menu includes vegetarian and vegan choices) and makes everything in house.

I have been waging war with the Kentucky International Convention Center, which has placed promotional flyers for state fair performers in every single bathroom stall. Sorry, I cannot hang with Lady Antebellum or Jason Aldean watching me pee. Def Leppard, Maroon 5, Train, and even a cartoon Katy Perry, fine. But not Lady Antebellum or Jason Aldean. The security guards are even worse. I know they are just doing their jobs, but it's getting ridiculous: I have been harassed about my ETS name badge on three separate occasions. Once I left it on the table during a 15-minute break but I was carrying a mug that said ETS and AP on it. An older male guard actually started chasing me, but I outran him up the escalator and yelled "Leave me alone!" Another time I took the name badge off as I was leaving the building at 5 pm. I was about three yards from the door -- walking towards it to LEAVE THE BUILDING -- and a female guard stopped me, made me display it, and told me I needed to wear it at all times. The third time the same female guard stopped me while I was wearing the badge. What is the friggin' deal with this? There are thousands of AP readers in the building. Why me? Other readers have been just as perplexed by the security guards haranguing me. I am certain this would not happen if I were a dude.

Despite the grueling 8-5, 7-day schedule, this might actually be fun if some of my friends were here. Next year in Louisville, anyone?